Monday, June 20, 2011

Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus by John Gray

Inspirational Book To Transform Your Life - Doing What You Love, Doing What Works

“To feel better, women talk about past problems, future problems, potential problems, even problems that have no solutions. The more talk and exploration, the better they feel. This is the way women operate. To expect otherwise is to deny a woman her sense of self.”
“Just as a glass of water can be viewed as half full or half empty, when a woman is on her way up she feels the fullness of her life. On the way down she sees the emptiness. Whatever emptiness she overlooks on the way up comes more into focus when she is on her way down into her well.”

Men Are from Mars in brief

❖ The golden key to better relationships is the acceptance of differences. In our parents’ day everyone accepted that men and women were different, but the culture changed to the other extreme of there being no differences.
❖ A woman aims to improve a man, but a man only wants acceptance. Her unsolicited advice is never welcomed, being interpreted as negative criticism. Rather than presenting a problem to a man, which is often taken to mean that he is the problem, a man should be approached as if he may embody the solution. Men are focused on their competence and if they cannot solve problems they feel as if they are wasting their time. Women, on the other hand, actually like to discuss problems even without a solution in sight, because it gives them the all-important chance to express their feelings.

❖ Women are like waves, rising to peaks, falling into troughs, then back up again. Men must know that the trough time is when women need men most. If he is supportive and does not try to get the woman out of the trough immediately, she feels validated. In order to be motivated a man must feel needed—but a woman must feel cherished.
❖ Men alternate between the need for intimacy and the need for distance. Men’s going away into their “cave” is not a conscious decision but is instinctive. Women who don’t know about the need for the cave and seek constant intimacy will see relationship turmoil. Like a rubber band, a man needs to stretch—but will usually spring back.
❖ Arguments quickly descend into hurt feelings about the way a point is being made, rather than its content. It is the uncaring sound of the point being made that is upsetting. Men do not see how much their comments hurt and provoke, because they focus on “the point.” Most arguments start because a woman expresses a worry over something and the man tells her that it is not worth worrying about. This invalidates her and she gets upset with him. He then gets mad because she seems to be getting angry at him for nothing. He will not say sorry for something he believes he has not done, so the initial argument goes into cruise control for hours or days.
❖ Men will argue because they do not feel trusted, admired, or encouraged and are not spoken to with a tone of trust and acceptance. Women will argue because they are not listened to or put high on a man’s list of priorities.

In a nutshell
Before we can treat each other as individuals, we must take into account the behavior differences of the sexes.

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